I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
