I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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