i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
