shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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