best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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