Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
