It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
