Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
