someone get that fucking seahorse.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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