i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
