I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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