He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
