the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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