I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
