I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
