I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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