I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
