While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
