apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you bring me the toilet please
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
