Whod you bang
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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