My friends, they love my intelligence
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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