I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize