Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
