were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize