I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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