i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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