just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
