So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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