if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
