I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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