I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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