Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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