Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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