Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
