never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
