We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
