I want to have your abortion
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
