I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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