It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
