I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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