stop calling my apartment porn island.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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