my phone needs a breathalizer
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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