Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
