dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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