mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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