I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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