Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
