i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
