You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
