I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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