I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
how does that bad decision feel?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
