oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
