i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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