First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
