Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
