i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
