been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
