Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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