My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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