I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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