You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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