I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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