I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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